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Let it be? Maybe not tonight [Mar. 21st, 2012|10:42 pm]
Just finished my mid term paper for acc. We had a paper consisting of all the financial statements and other parts and we had to finish it in 100 min. What makes me so bummed is that they have to limit us to 100 minutes. Ever wondered how they determine how long a test should be? Why is it that some test are 20 min long, others 30 min, some 2 hours and other 4 hours (when i was in denmark). Who determines the time limit for a test? How does the person determine it? Like do they get a professor to do the paper or an external party to do the paper and time that person? What makes them think that the professor or external party is our level/speed? Because right now it doesn't make sense why they would give us 100 min when hardly anyone can finish the paper or at least do it the best that they can with a decent time frame. I understand that irl we dont have all the time in the world and would need to meet deadlines and all but is this really that accurate? after all irl esp for our profession it's better to be accurate. Speed is a bonus. and since when would we get 100 min to balance our numbers irl? Are you kidding me. it's one thing is im the only one who couldnt finish or could have done better with just 15 more min. but it's a whole other matter if EVERYONE I KNOW says there wasnt even time to finish. And this is not just about THIS TEST. but all test. After I went to denmark, i lamented on how i had to endure 4 hours for a paper. But right now, i really understand and see clearly the differences in the education system. I also appreciate what i had there then. In denmark it's about learning. there will always be exams because it's a way to show that we had acquired certain knowledge/skill. I liked how it wasnt about how fast you can do your work but it's about if you really learnt anything from the module. I mean some exams are a 20min oral exam where you basically have a conversation with the examiner. Like a discussion. I am definitely preferring that system. But what to do? Im stuck here now. The ONE AND ONLY comforting thing is that after this semester, I am a final year student and i will be out of here before you can even say goodbye. 

Another thing that bugged me today was about the differences on how guys and girls handle r/s. and by r/s i mean like both friendship and BGR. How is it that boys/girls can act so differently? specifically why is that girls can be so supportive but guys ironically become insecure/overly protective? Do they feel that it's their duty? Let's take for example, if the girl wishes to go overseas to study. Be it an exchange program or a few years education. Why is it that even if girls do not want their gfs gone they can still support each other's decision and wish nothing but the best for each other? I had a fair share of gfs leaving for overseas education. I have 3 gfs. 2 of them are already overseas. and maybe soon it may be 3, all. gone. I genuinely wish with all my heart that they decide not to go, for whatever reason. But at the end of the day , if it's better for their future, I really cannot bring myself to convince them not to go or to stop them or to argue with them about it. I wont be able to bring myself to do it even if it pains me to see them leave one by one. I know it's not like im losing them for good. but who is to say it won't? every time someone leaves, there is a risk that things will never be the same again. but i always keep the faith and wish the best for them, for us. why is it that guys then will do all sorts of things to keep their gfs by their side? Whether or not it is her desire to go overseas or if she didnt have a choice. Why is it that they suddenly become over protective/insecure about it and finds all reason to make you stay? That is not to say i think guys should not care if their gfs says " hi, i will be going overseas for the next 5 years. see you next year" that would be weird then, suspicious even. but to the extent that making her stay would be detriment for her future? Is that love or is that just being selfish? After all they say love is selfish. Do "being in a relationship with you doesnt mean giving up your dreams. that's not what i want. Chase your dreams and we are above that, our relationship will not be over. this is not goodbye" only happen in dramas? But then there are real life examples of LDR working. I think in both situations, it is love, but expressed in different ways. That being said, I am very sure that if i went overseas to study, my relationship with the boy will not make it through. Because it was tough that we barely spoke at all during my exchange trip. Maybe a few texts now and then. They were not conversations with substance. It was just merely making sure that each other was fine. That was me being away for 4 months. I cannot imagine a whole year (3 times of that). I am very blessed that we didnt drift apart despite not speaking often. It's like we continued from where we left off. And that being said, I shall no longer question about that decision I made to go overseas. 

On a very random note, I have a love hate relationship with the boy when it comes to him not being the messaging type. On one hand, I get very busy esp during this period and long messages or phone calls will annoy the shit outta me. On the other hand, when Im upset, I expect more than a one liner. I'm hard to please like that, I know so i should just stop right here. Let it be? Maybe not tonight. 
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Take me down like a domino [Mar. 18th, 2012|10:23 pm]
It's most ironic that I am blogging at this time and at this day because I have a mid term paper in 3 days and another one in 7 days. Totally unprepared and lost for the second paper. (anything to do with IT, challenge denied) But I have been surprisingly slacking today/this semester. I know big difference. But whatever. You know it's so annoying to because I used to be a blogger who blogs every single day about every single thing and it's so awesome but I have lost that momentum of doing so after jc. I feel like my hobbies are slowly being taken away from me, one by one. From drawing to singing to dancing to blogging to writing songs... Life is almost as meaningless as it can be right now. I dont mean to sound like some emo kid. I'm genuinely thinking that way because I AM ONLY STUDYING BECAUSE I NEED TO AND IT'S THE WAY OF LIFE. And when im so sick of it, it's days like this i say " f that" and do all sorts of useless things that isnt going to help me score on my paper. Enough said, I want to be back in Copenhagen again.
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Beethoven's 5 Secrets - OneRepublic ThePianoGuys [Feb. 10th, 2012|08:32 am]
[Current Mood |optimisticoptimistic]



Don't only practice your art, 
But force your way into its secrets,
For it and knowledge can
Raise men to the divine

- Ludwig van Beethoven

Found this video early in the morning. It was so beautiful. Just listening to the first part of it already made me tear. For some reason it gives me strength to face the day's challenge and I hope it does the same for you. 
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Holes Inside [Feb. 8th, 2012|10:44 pm]


When all that you've tried, leaves nothing but holes inside, 
It seems like you're wired, to stay here held in time, 
Cos nothing seems to change, oh no.
No nothing's gonna change, at all.
I can see it in your face, the hope has gone away.

If you hold tight, shadows will be lost in the light.
Oh cos sometimes, fate and your dreams will collide.
So don't walk away from me, 
Don't walk away from me, 
Don't walk away from me.

Your feet are stuck, no they cannot move, 
Don't tell me that they're glued, 
They should've far from.
At home, at ease but give sometime to breathe

But nothing seems to change, oh no.
No nothing's gonna change, at all.
I can see it in your face, the hope has gone away.

But if you hold tight, shadows will be lost in the light.
Oh cos sometimes, fate and your dreams will collide.
So don't walk away from me, 
Don't walk away from me, 
Don't walk away from me.

That everthing will be ok, 
I know that it's so easy to say, 
But the pain inside will fade, 
Please tell me that you'll stay.

If we hold tight, shadows will be lost in the light.
Oh cos sometimes, fate and your dreams can collide.
When all that you've tried, leaves nothing but holes inside.
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(no subject) [Jan. 30th, 2012|10:58 pm]
[Current Mood |discontentdiscontent]

BALANCE. Need balance in life. 
Seriously cannot wait for tmr to end :(
Need to lose weight! 
VERY DISCONTENTED WITH WHERE I AM RIGHT NOW. Shall set new goals for myself!
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In a nutshell [Jan. 29th, 2012|09:35 am]
When life gets in the way
You need to learn to stop picking on the little words and small actions
But rather, start looking at the intentions and the bigger picture. 
Only then will you realise that you're no longer caught in the same vicious cycle 
Of your bad attitude and selfish ideas
To open up your mind to the world
Your heart to your lover
To keep the faith and to love wholeheartedly 
Is to have loved
Like there was no tomorrow 
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2012 Resolutions [Jan. 10th, 2012|10:18 pm]
I think my mental clock is messed up. I totally dont feel like i'm living in 2012. 2012 right now is just a date i write on my notes, the number i see on my organiser. Nothing more. It doesnt register that I AM currently living in 2012. Something about 2012 just doesnt feel like what came after 2011. I dont know if i'm making any sense right now, right here. I just feel like I am living because I have to. It's just a way of life. Oh gosh, how do I put to words how I feel right now w/o sounding like a weird emo freak? Because I'm not emo-ing but as I read the words I type, I sound like some emotional wreck. Some things just seriously cannot be put to words. Maybe I should start reviewing my 2011 resolutions and see what I have/have no accomplished.

oh wait, how about I just realised I didnt even make 2011 resolutions :( Oh shucks, i was really looking forward to seeing if I made any self-improvements. Oh well, maybe 2012 resolutions then. 

#1: Be a better gf, a best friend
#2: Get a good internship 
#3: BALANCE, not choose 
#4: Travel with lb's family 
#5: Travel with friends 
#6: Exercise regularly and get rid of FATS 
#7: Learn to bake cakes 
#8: Get back first class honours 
#9: Familiarise with driving around Singapore/ Trust the GPS 
#10: Food hunt with PGD 
#11: Plan an awesome 21st birthday 
#12: Shop less, Sell clothes 
#13: Fix my guitar and start writing songs again 
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2012 [Jan. 9th, 2012|02:03 pm]
 It's a new year, and hopefully a new beginning. The mere thought of having a new beginning in this messed up world is as comforting as it's going to get. A quarter of 2011 was spent in Copenhagen and not in Singapore. Away from family and friends. Ive learnt so much. Ive put myself in a place so alone, so dark, I swore never to go there again. Not literally. CPH is a nice place. But there was something about living all alone but made me really think if just focusing on studies was really what I wanted to do and had been doing so far until 2011. Neglecting people, loving things instead. I was reading a book "The gift" and finally, I understood a little more about what lb was trying to tell me all along. I always thought I could balance my studies, me time and time with family and friends well. Afterall, my relationships have been alright all along. And Ive been doing reasonably well in school. So who would have thought that i wasnt balancing the different priorities well. It was only later that I realised, 

if you choose, then it's not called balancing. If you chose between doing one thing over the other then it's not called balancing your priorities well, it just means you're neglecting one thing to do something else. 

2012 resolution, to achieve a good balance. 
At the end of the day, a piece of certificate will not give you comfort but the person you love will. Keep that in mind, let the actions show the words you speak, and everything will be okay. That, I believe. Keep the faith. 
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Breathing underwater [Jul. 24th, 2011|09:55 pm]
[Current Mood |exhaustedexhausted]

 Above all the hectic plans I have and all the important stuff to do in preparation for my trip, I am also preoccupied with PROJECT XX. I shall review PROJECT XX on a later date. But for now, I chanced upon this quote

Trouble is a part of your life, and if you don't share it, you don't give the person that loves you enough chance to love you enough.
-- Dinah Shore

Something has been on my mind lately. It was something that lb said to me just last friday. Something that bothered him. But he didnt really want to talk about it. My heart ached knowing he was feeling troubled. Yet he couldnt talk to me about it. He said he wasnt comfortable. He made it sound like it was his part that made him not want to talk about it but I feel like I havent been a good enough gf for him to feel comfortable talking about it. Where could I have done different to make him turn to me. I feel sad knowing my partner cant come to me with his problems. It made me feel like a stranger and at best, just a friend. Yet I couldnt possibly pressure him to speak to me. Just simply felt helpless. Like i just got a big fat F under the gf category. 2 years and going yet.. okay, Ive been pushing these emotions away and while typing this I feel a sudden overwhelming sadness. If only I can buy a cold spray for my heart. you know the kind you spray on your sprained ankle to not let it be so sensitive to movement? Im being way too sensitive, letting small things get the better of me. But with this, I feel like im breathing underwater. 

Helpless.
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Highlights of Birdpark with loverboy [Jul. 24th, 2011|12:25 pm]
[Current Mood |tiredtired]

 
BIRDPARK! Funny. we ended up here only because we thought we were doing it for each other. -.- I rmbed loverboy mentioning going to birdpark. (ps we have gone to practically every tourist attraction in spore except this) and he wanted to bring me here because I wanted to go out rather than just stay home on my last few days in spore before I leave for denmark. Although I wasnt like 100% keen, I was 100% happy for his thought. 


I wanted to bring one home. Mr popper's penguins! haha! the penguins were so cute in that movie. I see penguins in a diff light now. haha. They were so hilarious because all they did was stone. like a statue. For a moment I wondered if they were real. 



parrots. why so special? because it was the EXACT colour combination of my outfit. -.- lol. The colour combination was inspired by a runway way model who was wearing a blue top with a silky mustard pants. I bought my outfit from KOG. I freaking loved that collection of theirs. 



I felt a bit bad to be wearing peacock feathered necklance to the birdpark. lol





This bird was cute max. It thought the stone was a fish and did the same action as the red bird. 


loverboy feeding birds :D



love the colour(:



Im into feathers now. 



This is gross. Who eats ostrich eggs?



cute ostriches! they are a lot taller than what you see here. and they dont bury their head in the ground. 

The weather was crazy warm. And we did a lot of walking. It was tiring. I loved the penguins and the owl. Probably wont go back there again soon. It's the kind of places you can go once every 10 years. 
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